


Lost and Found

by t_dragon



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Byun Baekhyun & Park Chanyeol are Best Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Enemies, M/M, Mentioned Oh Sehun, Minor Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Secret Crush, Teacher Oh Sehun, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 19:22:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19324498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_dragon/pseuds/t_dragon
Summary: Five years ago the spark was lost, but now Baekhyun and Chanyeol might have a chance to find it again - if they can get over everything that transpired between them





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> The underage + teacher/student is a quick event, yet very important, but it's nothing overly graphic, really, and there'll be nothing more of it than the mentioned moment!  
> Anyway! This idea was actually conceived on the 27th of November 2017........almost two years ago, but not only that, oh no! It was also on Chanyeol's birthday apparently, lmao! And I know exactly what part was first written of this story, too! Ah, so funny yet tragic...  
> But yeah, it's been a long time coming, but it was only recently that I managed to finish this part, and start on the second one (at the time of writing, 11.030 words long - but there's still a lot to go, hhhhg-). Also, I'm posting this part early because, oh, in three or so hours, this draft will be deleted, and since the second part is coming along nicely, I thought that instead of having to recreate this, I'd just post this now... So enjoy, part 2 will be up shortly! (For real, I have vacation next week, and I'll be visiting my babies and gain strength)

 “Mr. Oh is pretty hot.”

 Baekhyun raised a single eyebrow at the statement, glancing over at Chanyeol who was sitting to his right. Both elbows propped on the table, he was supporting his chin on his hands, a small pout on his lips as he both seemed to stare at their teacher, and at something a million miles away. Baekhyun wrinkled his nose, not particularly wanting to know just _what_ it was Chanyeol was seeing a million miles away.

 “No, he’s not,” Baekhyun muttered, getting back to reading through his textbook to find the answer he was looking for.

 “You know what they say about guys with big noses, Baekhyun…,” Chanyeol almost sighed, and Baekhyun could not help but glance over at him once more - this time focusing on his nose.

 It was a rather pretty nose, well-balanced against the rest of Chanyeol’s face, and so very _not_ indicative of what Chanyeol was implying. They had showered together a thousand times after P.E, and Baekhyun had gotten enough accidental glances to know.

 “It’s probably bullshit, probably big nose and small dick,” Baekhyun answered, chewing on his pen as he skimmed through more text. He was sure he had seen the right answer here somewhere…

 “Insecure because of your tiny nose?” Chanyeol asked, amusement coloring his voice, and it was not Baekhyun’s fault that his ears liked to betray him by turning pink.

 “Oh, fuck off! I don’t have anything to be insecure over,” Baekhyun hissed.

 “True,” Chanyeol said, but before Baekhyun could even _start_ to process that, Chanyeol had already moved on. “Mr. Oh is still hot, admitting it doesn’t take away from your straightness or whatever.”

 “Just- shut up and let me finish this, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun groaned, rubbing his forehead as he tried to get his focus back.

 “Reflection, but not denial,” Chanyeol mumbled, so low that Baekhyun just barely heard it, but he blocked the taller’s voice out as his eyes once more managed to read the words in front of him.

 Baekhyun did not even know why he was so focused on completing the sheet and ignoring Chanyeol. Sure, he liked keeping his grades at least average, but he had several times ignored the work he should be doing to instead talk with Chanyeol. Banter with him, tease him, explain or discuss. Entertain him, or be entertained himself. Sometimes they even completed their work together, helping each other find the right answers.

 Best friend stuff.

 But today Baekhyun was irritable, and not at all in the mood for playing around. He just wanted to finish this, finish the day, go back home, and go to bed. He was so exhausted in that bone-deep way that he barely knew what to do with himself.

 “You going straight home today?” Chanyeol suddenly asked, bringing Baekhyun back from whatever static, white-noise filled place he had managed to end up in.

 “Yeah,” Baekhyun said with a deep sigh, managing to relax a little.

 Of course Chanyeol noticed how different Baekhyun was today. They were best friends, incredibly close, keeper of each other’s secrets. Their own families did not know even half of how well they knew each other, probably. Their other friends did not even come close. It had been like that since the very first time they met, catching each other’s gazes, then grinning as they introduced themselves. An instant connection, they knew they would be important to each other - and they were. So, so very important to each other.

 So of course Chanyeol knew. Of course he understood Baekhyun, of course he knew what Baekhyun wanted and needed. And at the end of the day, Chanyeol would follow Baekhyun home, just like always, and he would ask if Baekhyun wanted company, and with highest probability Baekhyun would answer yes. Because Chanyeol was soothing to have close - as long as he stopped talking about his fucking teacher crush.

 Baekhyun did not want to hear another word about Mr. Oh’s nose _or_ dick. He was not in the least interested.

 

~*~

 

 Another day, another sprint in the hamster wheel. It was one of their longer days today, and Baekhyun was more than ready to go home, but he could not, not yet.

 A little while ago, Chanyeol had told him that he needed some help with some stuff, and there had been this strange light in Chanyeol’s eyes that Baekhyun did not like at all, but when Chanyeol had told him that he needed to talk to Mr. Oh, Baekhyun had just sighed and told him he would wait for him.

 Chanyeol had looked at Baekhyun, and the light was still so strange, making Baekhyun so uncomfortable, and Chanyeol had opened his mouth as if to say something - then breath hitching as he apparently decided against saying whatever he had wanted to say. Instead he had said ‘fine, suit yourself, don’t know how long it’ll take’, and the words were ugly, leaving a bitter stain in Baekhyun’s mind. A bit too emotionless for Baekhyun’s liking - he and Chanyeol were never emotionless with each other. Barely even when they were angry with each other did they manage indifference. They were both too feisty.

 But Chanyeol had said the words with an unfamiliar neutrality, and now here Baekhyun was, sitting on one of the benches as the school turned emptier and emptier, playing on his phone as he waited for Chanyeol. Telling himself that it was because Chanyeol did not want to have to stay behind to talk to their teacher that he seemed so strange. Or maybe because Mr. Oh was Chanyeol’s little crush, and the taller was _shy_ to talk with him one on one, and shyness was not something Baekhyun was used to on Chanyeol. Could be either, really. Made sense, somewhat.

 Sighing, Baekhyun cursed Chanyeol for making him wait so long - he wanted to go home, damnit! - and dragged his feet over to the right classroom. He and Chanyeol walked home together, that was how it was and how it would be, and Baekhyun would not leave Chanyeol behind just like Baekhyun knew that Chanyeol would not leave him behind. Best friends waited for each other. And now Baekhyun was tired and on his way to drag Chanyeol away, because sometimes best friends needed to do that too.

 The door was closed for some reason, noises bleeding out through it, but Baekhyun could not quite make them out. It did not seem like talking, though…

 There was a sort of ticking in his heart, like a foreboding or warning or something, as Baekhyun reached out for the handle. It was strange, almost making him stop, but he attributed it to him being exhausted and just wanting to _go home._

 Then Baekhyun pulled the door open and froze, eyes suddenly twice their normal size.

 He should have realized, he should have known, the noises had been clues enough, but sometimes he was an oblivious idiot…

 Because sprawled out across the desk, too tall to be bent over comfortably like that but obviously not minding it at all, was Chanyeol. Baekhyun could not see much from where he was standing, but he could see enough. The man standing behind Chanyeol, one hand at Chanyeol’s neck and the other on his hip, gave it away pretty badly.

 Oh, Baekhyun was so stupid. He had known about Chanyeol’s little crush, he had known about Chanyeol’s flirting, and he should have understood what the noises had been. He should have understood from the strange light in Chanyeol’s eyes, and the strange tone of his words. He should have never opened the door, he should have never even gone close to the classroom, and now he needed to get out of here before he was discovered.

 All of a sudden, Chanyeol looked up, as if sensing that Baekhyun was there, and they locked gazes. Baekhyun’s heart skipped a beat as Chanyeol’s dark and hazy eyes - pupils so blown that Baekhyun absently wondered if there even was any iris left - looked straight into his own, and everything was suddenly spiraling too quickly out of control.

 But then Chanyeol bit down on his full lower lip, eyebrows drawing together just a little bit, and a strangled moan made its way out. The strange kind of light was still in his eyes, but slightly different now, and Baekhyun could not help but wonder if it was because of the fucking, or the fact that Baekhyun had walked in on them. He did not know if he _wanted_ to know.

 Something flared, and something broke, and that was finally the push that helped Baekhyun snap out of his surprise and leave. Stumbling backwards, he turned and sprinted down the hallway, not even caring about the fact that the door slammed closed and notified the couple of him having been there.

 After all, Chanyeol had already seen him.

 It was not until he was as far away as he could come, several floors up and away from everything, that Baekhyun came to a stop. He was gasping for air - too unfit for his quick escape and maybe because of something else - as he leaned against the wall and slid down it. Throwing his books aside, he dragged both hands through his hair, a string of curses falling from his lips.

 He was just so mad at himself, for everything. And at Chanyeol, for some stupid reason. And the fucking teacher, for actually indulging in Chanyeol’s hormone-fueled shit. But the worst feeling swirling around inside of Baekhyun was the _disgust_. Disgust for how badly Chanyeol’s moan had affected him, disgust for the sudden tightness in his pants.

  _I’m such a perverted fuck_ , Baekhyun thought to himself as a sad laugh tumbled from his mouth, the heels of his hands digging into his eyes painfully.

 But then he could at least blame the tears on that, and not on the pain in his chest.

 

 After having managed to calm down, Baekhyun pulled his phone out and sent a text to Kyungsoo. He needed to have someone distracting him, and though Chanyeol was always the first choice in any other situation, Baekhyun could not stand seeing the taller’s face right now. He did not even want to think of him, though his moan still echoed inside of Baekhyun’s head.

  _Fuck_ Park Chanyeol for making him into this literal _mess._

 “Okay, what’s going on?” a voice asked, and Baekhyun looked up from the floor to see Kyungsoo walk over.

 “What do you mean ‘what’s going on’?” Baekhyun muttered, pouting though it was he himself who had asked Kyungsoo to come over.

 “Uh, you asking me to come here without telling anyone, _particularly Chanyeol_ , you looking like you’ve dragged your hands through your hair a million times, and your books lying spread out as if they were thrown away,” Kyungsoo deadpanned, pointing at said books. Baekhyun looked over at them and realized that maybe he had been a bit harsh with them. “I could also mention the fact that it looks like you’ve been on the verge of crying, but maybe that’s a bit too honest for the moment, so let’s ignore that statement.”

 Baekhyun winced and looked away, debating if maybe it had been a bad idea to ask Kyungsoo to come over. He could be a bit brutal at times, and Baekhyun was pretty sure he did not need brutal right now.

 Before he had the chance to decide on that though, Baekhyun felt Kyungsoo sit down next to him, carefully putting his books down next to him. As if making a point. Whatever, Baekhyun was an asshole to his books, who cared?

 “So, what’s going on?” Kyungsoo asked again, this time a bit more softly. “I’m going to take a wild guess, and say it has something to do with a certain tall best friend…?”

 “I feel betrayed that you’ve exchanged me as your best friend with your boyfriend, but it’s not Jongin,” Baekhyun mumbled, joking but not really, pulling his sleeves down over his hands and playing with the edge of them, eyes trained on the fabric.

 “Yeah, well, I felt a bit betrayed that you did the same with your crush, so I guess we’re even,” Kyungsoo said with a shrug.

 “He’s not my-” Baekhyun began to protest, but then the words got stuck in his throat, the images from before exploding across his mind. Chanyeol on the desk, Chanyeol locking eyes with him, Chanyeol biting his lip, Chanyeol moaning-

 Baekhyun pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes yet again, to try to force the images away, the sounds and all of the impressions, but his mind betrayed him, making it all so much more louder and more vivid until Baekhyun felt like puking. Obviously sensing his distress, Kyungsoo wrapped an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulders and pulled him closer, giving him something to anchor himself to as he was getting lost in a sea of traitorous thoughts.

 “Did you realize something, or did something happen?” Kyungsoo asked, voice barely above a whisper, but more than loud enough for Baekhyun to properly hear him.

 “Something happened,” Baekhyun answered, clearing his throat and taking a deep breath. Why was this so hard to talk about? “Cha- He said he was going to go talk to the teacher about an assignment or something, and he was taking his time, so I went to look for him, and I walked in on… Well…”

 “No way,” Kyungsoo breathed out, not needing Baekhyun to actually say it out loud to understand. “Wow. I’m actually impressed. Though I want to punch him as well, but damn.”

 Baekhyun gave a humorless chuckle.

 “Why do you want to punch him?”

 Kyungsoo pulled back a little so he could look properly at Baekhyun, and Baekhyun’s chuckle died as he realized that he might not want to hear the answer.

 “Because he’s an idiot who doesn’t see what he’s already got, and now ended up hurting you.”

 Nope. Baekhyun did not want to hear that at all.

 Baekhyun looked down at his sweater paws again, Kyungsoo’s gaze burning into his skin.

 “He hasn’t hurt me, why would he have? I mean, I’m kinda proud of him for actually going for and getting what he wanted, it takes balls to do that, especially with a teacher. He’s my best friend, of course I’m happy for him-”

 Baekhyun did not understand why his cheeks were suddenly feeling so wet, or why his voice wobbled so much until it finally broke and gave out, but he was thankful for the proper hug Kyungsoo pulled him into so that he did not have to look too deeply into his reasons and reactions. He just let it all out, ignoring the implications, because he would surely fall apart completely if he tried to make sense of it.

 Kyungsoo just quietly held him, until his body stopped shaking, and his sobs began to die down. And even then, Kyungsoo did not say anything, going back to giving him an one-armed hug so that Baekhyun could wipe his sadness away with his sleeves, staining them with tears and snot.

 “You’re both idiots, you know,” Kyungsoo hummed after a while, making Baekhyun give a surprised smile.

 “Why is that?” Baekhyun asked, voice hoarse.

 “His reasons I’ve already given, but yours is that you keep denying it.”

 Baekhyun did not need to ask what ‘it’ was. It was pretty obvious from his recent breakdown, and the way his chest was still hurting. It did not mean he would acknowledge it, though. So instead, Baekhyun just kept quiet, back to playing with his sleeves.

 “Honestly, Baek, it’s not some big secret, no matter how much you’ve tried to deny it,” Kyungsoo said in a dry tone that made Baekhyun wince. “And it’s not something bad either. Lots of people fall in love with their best friend! Jongin actually have a theory on that, that the reason you’re able to become so close to your best friend is because you basically have a mini-crush on them.”

 Baekhyun leaned back a little to run his eyes up and down Kyungsoo’s body, before wrinkling his nose.

 “Ew,” he said, and then he and Kyungsoo burst out laughing.

 When they finally calmed down, there were fresh tears running down Baekhyun’s cheeks, and he felt a bit panicked, but lighter at the same time.

 “You’re so stupid, I don’t know why I’m friends with you,” Kyungsoo sighed, but it was an adoring sigh.

 “Because you love me,” Baekhyun mumbled as he snuggled closer to Kyungsoo, sighing and closing his eyes. “Well, shit, Jongin’s theory might be true after all…”

 “Ah, my smart boy,” Kyungsoo said, and Baekhyun could hear the loving smile in his voice.

 He was happy Kyungsoo had found someone that made him so happy. Even though it had taken some time… He was really happy for Kyungsoo, and Jongin. They really made an adorable couple.

 “Yes, you called?” a new voice echoed down the hallway, making Baekhyun sit up so quickly he banged the back of his head against the wall.

 Baekhyun’s heart was starting to pick up its pace again, and he feared that he would come face to face with a certain someone before he was really ready, but looking up, he saw only Jongin walking closer to them. Exhaling sharply, Baekhyun leaned his head back against the wall and cursed softly.

 “You really need to work on your walking, you’re freakishly quiet,” Kyungsoo said as Jongin got closer, the youngest giving a grin.

 “Sorry about that,” Jongin said as he sat down in front of them, placing a bag between them. “How’s your head, Baekhyun-hyung?”

 “It’s fine,” Baekhyun mumbled, waving his hand dismissively. “What are you doing here? I thought I asked Kyungsoo, and only Kyungsoo, to come? No offense.”

 “None taken,” Jongin said as he leaned back on his hands. “I come bearing gifts of comfort, as well as the news that the giant has left the building, I repeat, the giant has left the building.”

 Baekhyun looked over at Jongin with raised eyebrows, before turning to Kyungsoo, who was currently going through the contents of the bag.

 “I knew something was up with our tall friend, suspected you needed something like this, and also - I don’t keep secrets from my lover,” Kyungsoo said, without even looking up. Baekhyun noticed that Jongin’s cheeks suddenly looked a bit more pink, and marveled yet again over how cute the dancer could be at times. “So what if I put Jongin on stakeout slash food-bringing duty while I went to deal with you?”

 Kyungsoo finally looked up at Baekhyun, holding out a small container of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Baekhyun glared at him, before accepting the ice cream, and the plastic spoon offered by Jongin.

 “So, feeling up for telling me, or…?” Jongin slowly asked, accepting his own ice cream from Kyungsoo. “Do I need to slap someone?”

 “Kyungsoo has already offered that, but he said he would punch him instead,” Baekhyun said around his spoon, sighing over the chocolate melting on his tongue.

 “Mm, might be better, since I’ve known the giant longer,” Jongin hummed, easily picking up on Baekhyun’s resistance to say Chanyeol’s name. “But I’m getting really curious here, give me something, at least?”

 Kyungsoo looked over at Baekhyun for a signal, and Baekhyun gave a half-shrug. Jongin would find out sooner or later, anyway, so…

 “Basically, someone got teacher-dicked,” Kyungsoo said, making Baekhyun cringe. “I’m assuming the teacher dicked, though, might have been the other way around.”

 Baekhyun just shook his head as he stuffed his face with more ice cream, trying to brainfreeze the images out of his mind. It did not help, but gave him horrible pain instead. Well, at least it was matching the one in his heart… That he totally did not have, by the way.

 “Wait, seriously? Well, guess that explains things…,” Jongin mumbled, eyes focused on something far away as he chewed on his spoon. He was suddenly brought back as Kyungsoo and Baekhyun leaned closer, obviously wanting to know what kind of things that explained. “Oh, well, he had this kind of… Look about him. You know, the hair, the cheeks, the clothes…?”

 “The well-fucked one?” Baekhyun asked, ignoring the pain slicing through his heart.

 “That would be the one…,” Jongin whispered, nodding slowly and poking at his ice cream. “He looked completely obnoxious. Don’t think I’ll be able to stand him for a while now.”

 Baekhyun cracked a smile at that, even though it was a sort of sad smile.

 Which was quickly shattered as his phone began to ring next to him, a selca of him and Chanyeol on the screen. The three of them just stared at it as it continued to ring, but neither made the move to answer or decline the call.

 After a while, it stopped ringing, and then the texts began to pop in.

_‘Baek need to talk’_

  _‘Baek?’_

_‘Byuntae’_

_‘Why are you ignoring me?’_

 Baekhyun stopped reading them after a while, instead going back to eating his ice cream.

 “Persistent idiot,” Kyungsoo muttered as Baekhyun’s phone kept vibrating with new messages.

 Then everything was quiet for a while, before Jongin’s phone began to ring. Kyungsoo quickly snatched it from his boyfriend, and then answered.

 “Yo Park, Jongin can’t talk at the moment,” Kyungsoo drawled, scooping some ice cream into his mouth as Chanyeol said something Baekhyun could not make out. Just the sound of the taller’s voice made him feel like puking again, though, so maybe that was a good thing. “Nu-uh, no idea. Nope, just me and Jongin and ice cream. Yeah, I’m checking how well the chocolate one is matching his skin tone. Pretty darn close, I gotta tell you… Exactly, so no more interrupting of my experiment. Thank you, bye!”

 Jongin’s cheeks were aflame by the time he got his phone back, and Baekhyun felt kind of sorry for him.

 “Goddamn it, now I gave myself ideas…,” Kyungsoo muttered, before looking over at Baekhyun. “Your bestie is desperately wondering where you are, but I threw him off your track for a while.”

 Baekhyun faked a sniff, wiping away a fake tear. “What would I ever do without you, Do Kyungsoo?”

 “Live and breathe denial and probably be dead,” Kyungsoo said, grinning at Baekhyun, who grinned right back.

 “You’re so cute with each other that I can’t even be jealous…,” Jongin sighed, before digging into his ice cream with a pout.

 

 They stayed in the school for a while longer, talking and finishing their ice cream. Honestly, Baekhyun dreaded going home, which Kyungsoo easily picked up on. But when Kyungsoo offered a place to sleep, Baekhyun firmly declined. He had to face the music sooner or later, and it is easier to rip the bandaid off quickly. He was already hurting anyway, so…

 After a lot of reassurance and hugs, Baekhyun went on his way as Kyungsoo and Jongin headed the other, the last thing Baekhyun heard being Kyungsoo telling him to call whenever he needed to. Holding his hand up above his head in goodbye, Baekhyun did not dare turn around.

 Truth be told, he was terrified. Trembling, his heart beat a thousand miles an hour, his throat clogged up, and tears threatened to fill his eyes at every moment. He hated anxiety, it always made him feel so small and insignificant and _panicked._

 The walk home felt like a thousand miles, even though Baekhyun did not actually live that far away from the school, but at the same time, it was as if he had ran all the way home, being there way too quickly for him to prepare himself or anything. And the way his breathing was picking up, lungs apparently not large enough anymore, running would explain it as well.

 Baekhyun saw him as soon as he was on his own street, standing leaned against Baekhyun’s fence. Looking like every other time he was waiting for Baekhyun, but this time it was different.

 All Baekhyun could see, all Baekhyun could hear, was Chanyeol’s expression and Chanyeol’s moan, leaned over that desk, fucked so roughly. It made him want to puke his guts out, right then and there, but he forced it down and powered on. The sooner he got this over with, the better.

 “Baekhyun.”

 He had had his eyes glued to the ground, but at his name, Baekhyun looked up. Chanyeol rarely used his full name anymore, but there he was, frowning and saying ‘Baekhyun’. And Baekhyun did not like it.

 Another crack in their friendship. Baekhyun had barely even noticed the first one, but now there were two.

 “Why did you ignore me?”

 “Had my phone on silent,” Baekhyun answered with a small smile, knowing it did not reach his eyes, not really caring either.

 Chanyeol’s frown deepened, and he looked almost affronted. Baekhyun, not noticing Chanyeol trying to get in contact? Blasphemy! Never happened!

 “Where were you?”

 “Somewhere trying to scrub the images of you out of my mind,” Baekhyun drawled, going for humor, not knowing if he succeeded. Whatever. He was tired. So exhausted. “Sorry, Park, but that was not something I ever wanted to see, and I had to get it out.”

 Chanyeol glanced away, a smile on his lips, but it was not a happy smile.

 “Terribly sorry about that,” he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice, and Baekhyun could not help but wonder why he sounded so bitter. He was pretty sure Chanyeol would not want to walk in on Baekhyun in a similar… Position. So why was Chanyeol acting so vexed about it?

 “Yeah, whatever,” Baekhyun mumbled with a shrug, no longer feeling like doing this at all.

 Whatever it was they were doing, because Baekhyun honestly had no idea. They just stood there for what felt like half an hour, neither saying anything, neither moving.

 “Well, I guess I better get going then,” Chanyeol suddenly spoke up, almost making Baekhyun jump into the air as he broke the silence after so long.

 “Wait, what?” Baekhyun blurted out before he could stop himself, frown pulling his eyebrows together. “You’re leaving, just like that?”

 Chanyeol was not even looking at him, instead focused on something far away as he shrugged.

 “I mean, there’s nothing really to talk about,” Chanyeol said, which only made Baekhyun frown even deeper.

 “You were spamming me, waiting for me outside of me house, and now suddenly you have nothing to talk about?” Baekhyun asked, and he really should shut the fuck up now.

 Baekhyun did not _want_ to talk about what had happened - so why was he pushing Chanyeol in that direction now?

 Finally, Chanyeol looked down at Baekhyun, something ugly swirling in the depths of his irises now. It almost made Baekhyun miss the strange light that had been there before.

 “You made it pretty fucking clear that anything I wanted to talk about, to tell you, wouldn’t be appreciated, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol said, voice filled with something Baekhyun could not identify, his choice of words and his using of Baekhyun’s full name making icicles gather in Baekhyun’s stomach. “I don’t want to disgust you even more, after all.”

 Disgust him? When had Baekhyun even claimed it had _disgusted_ him? Sure, he had not wanted to see Chanyeol being bent over a desk and fucked into it, but that did not mean he was _disgusted_ by it.

 Before Baekhyun even had the chance to explain this, though, Chanyeol was already walking away.

 “Chanyeol-,” Baekhyun called out after him, but the taller ignored him, continuing on his way, and something held Baekhyun back from trying to stop Chanyeol from walking away from him.

 A third crack appeared, the realization that they might be rushing faster and faster towards their end striking fear into Baekhyun. Yet he could still not move, still not stop Chanyeol, still not try to explain.

 Instead, he just stood staring, long after Chanyeol had disappeared. And it was not until his mother opened the door and asked what he was doing, standing outside like that, that Baekhyun finally managed to snap out of his stupor and head inside.

 Sleep did not come easy for Baekhyun that night, and once it finally did, it was fitful, his dreams haunting him with images he probably would never be able to unsee.

 

~*~

 

 The day after, Chanyeol was waiting for Baekhyun outside of his house, just like every other morning. There was a smile on his face, but it was strained, and not as large as usual. Baekhyun could not even bring himself to smile back.

 The walk to their school was awkward and painful, for probably the first time ever in their friendship. Not even when they had their short and rare fights was it like this. When they fought the emotions would be boiling beneath the surface, looming like storm clouds at the horizon, but there would also be the annoying need to smile because fuck you, you’re such an asshole, but you’re also my best friend and I can’t stay mad at you, which just makes me even madder, and why are you laughing, stop it or I’ll laugh too!

 Now there was nothing but emptiness, a large canyon expanding between them, growing steeper and steeper with every passing minute it seemed. The spark that had been there since the first time they met, the spark that had always been there in their friendship and connected them, was flickering, and Baekhyun could feel how close it was to going out.

 And it hurt, honestly. Because they were _best friends_ , so close and so dear to each other, indispensable and non-replaceable. They were supposed to be, at least, but now Baekhyun was quickly having to reassess that conviction. It was quickly starting to look like it was not true at all. That this was not something everlasting, but merely a short and sweet time together, to help them grow in some way or another, to give them more tools on their way through life.

 Like that poem, about how soulmates were not actually supposed to be your one true love, and how there were several soulmates you would meet throughout your life, all of them supposed to help you become a better human.

 Baekhyun just wished they could have parted on better, non-toxic terms. Baekhyun just wished Chanyeol could tell him _why_ he was so angry with Baekhyun. How was Baekhyun supposed to grow as a person when he had no idea what had even gone wrong?

 But as each and every day continued in the same manner - Baekhyun and Chanyeol, side by side physically, but so far away mentally - Baekhyun’s hope died a slow and painful death.

 Chanyeol’s smiles grew more and more tense, and Baekhyun’s heart grew heavier and heavier - until one day, the last thread snapped and the last piece broke.

 They were in school - always the _goddamn school_ \- classes were over, and they were supposed to head home together. But for some reason, Baekhyun could not bring himself to actually move, to follow Chanyeol.

 It took long, too long, before Chanyeol noticed. He was already several meters away when he finally stopped and turned around, and Baekhyun’s heart _ached._

 “What are you doing?” Chanyeol asked, sounding exasperated.

 But Baekhyun did not move. He just stood and stared at Chanyeol, trying to feel that spark again, find the bridge over the monumental canyon between them. To connect them again, Baekhyun and Chanyeol, best friends.

 “Come on, Baekhyun, let’s go,” Chanyeol sighed, dragging a hand through his hair

 “Why?” Baekhyun asked, body moving faster than mind and forming the single word before his brain had even decided on what to say - or to even say anything at all.

 “Why what?” Chanyeol asked, but Baekhyun knew that he knew.

 Their friendship might be crumbling, but there was still so much history between them that Baekhyun could easily read him anyway. He knew Chanyeol almost as well as he knew himself. So easy to figure out in some ways, but the important parts? Impossible.

 “You really want to do this here?” Chanyeol asked after several minutes, when it was clear that Baekhyun would not say anything more. “Well, I guess it _is_ kinda fitting…”

 Stalking over - because Chanyeol was not walking - Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun’s arm and tugged him along. Baekhyun was about to protest, to tell him to let go, but before he had the chance he was shoved into a classroom. Staggering backwards, he collided with one of the desks, pain shooting out from his hip and lower back and making him hiss.

 But the sound was swallowed by the loud bang of a door being nearly kicked shut, and Baekhyun almost jumped out of his skin at it. Chanyeol was loud, but not violent. Eager and overly excited, using large movements with his hands when explaining something, slapping people and objects when laughing - but he was not the type of person to throw someone into a classroom and slam the door.

 That was not like Chanyeol.

 “There, we’re alone, now what do you want?” Chanyeol asked, voice carefully controlled. Baekhyun did not know if it was because of sadness or anger, but it really did not matter.

 “I want to know what happened,” Baekhyun said, voice weak, so he cleared his throat before trying again. “I want to know what happened to make everything wrong. I’m guessing the whole teacher dicking has something to do with it, but I just- I don’t understand why you were so angry afterwards, with me.”

 Chanyeol had his arms crossed over his chest, face passive. As Baekhyun took it all in - the curve of his fingers, the edges of hardness in his eyes that were slowly being melted by the fire, the stern set of his jaw and the purse of his lips - he realized that Chanyeol was much more upset than he had originally thought. And it was not all anger, either, there was _hurt_ for some reason.

 “You don’t understand why I’m so angry?” Chanyeol asked, scoffing as he glanced away, and the twisted smile was ugly on Chanyeol’s lips. “Let me give you a clue then, Baekhyun-ah. Words cut deeper than knives, and hearing from your oblivious, denying best friend that you’re disgusting isn’t really something that makes you shit rainbows of happiness.”

 Baekhyun wanted to retaliate, to clear the misunderstanding about the whole being called disgusting thing, but there was something else, something that might be slightly more important, that stole his attention away.

 “Oblivious and denying?” Baekhyun asked, confusion threading through him. “I am? What do you mean?”

 “I mean that you’re oblivious about other’s feelings, and that your faked little straightness isn’t fooling me,” Chanyeol answered, voice so sharp, cutting straight through Baekhyun and leaving him icy cold.

 “My faked straightness?” Baekhyun asked, eyebrows now knitting together in a frown.

 “Yeah, everyone knew about your big fucking crush on Taeyeon,” Chanyeol laughed, bitterness stinging Baekhyun. “But she was the only girl you ever showed any interest in, and even that was pretty watered down interest. I’m your fucking _best friend_ , I know you the best out of everyone, possibly with the exception of Kyungsoo, so do you really think I wouldn’t see through your little straight facade even when you denied it to yourself?”

 Fear starting to trickle into his veins, Baekhyun crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at the floor. He knew he should stand straight and not curl in on himself if he wanted to fight back, to not look suspicious, but his body refused to cooperate.

 “It’s okay, Baek, I would never judge you for it,” Chanyeol continued, voice softer now, as if to comfort Baekhyun. “ _I’m_ gay, of course I wouldn’t give you shit about it, you have nothing to worry about.”

 But it was not Baekhyun’s sexuality he worried about. He had known for a long time now that he was probably not straight, and having been surrounded by people of various sexualities, he did not mind that in the least.

 It was what his sexuality made him think about his supposed best friend. _That_ was what Baekhyun worried about, what he was scared Chanyeol would find out, what he was scared to even acknowledge properly to himself. In the dark of the night, early in the morning, when he could allow himself to be vulnerable, Baekhyun could admit it. But otherwise he was too scared.

 Scared of losing Chanyeol. _Still_ , as they were standing on the edge, about to jump down into the nothingness to smash against the sharp rocks beneath, Baekhyun was _still_ afraid of losing Chanyeol.

 “I’m not putting on a straight facade,” Baekhyun mumbled, and that was the truth. If people perceived him as straight, that was not his problem. He had never claimed to be straight, had never defined his sexuality to anyone. He liked people, and that was that, he did not feel the need to put some label on it.

 “You can’t even admit it to me now, huh?” Chanyeol said, and now there was resignation in his voice. He was obviously done with this whole conversation.

 And Baekhyun was too, but he did not _want_ it to end, did not want to feel anything more slip from him, something he knew would happen as soon as the conversation was over.

 “What does it matter?” Baekhyun sighed, not more than a whisper not meant to be heard - but of course Chanyeol heard it.

 Of course he did. It was Chanyeol, after all, Baekhyun’s best friend. The one who knew him the best.

 “What does it matter?” Chanyeol asked, and Baekhyun bit down on his lower lip as he turned his face away, almost afraid of Chanyeol’s answer. “It matters a whole fucking lot, Baekhyun, even when overlooking the whole shit about lying to the person closest to you and pretending to be someone else in front of him.”

 “Then _please_ enlighten me to the importance of my sexual orientation,” Baekhyun said, exasperated and sighing yet again, arms falling limply to his sides.

 Baekhyun had been right. He did not want to hear Chanyeol’s answer. Though he did not know for which of the reasons it was that he wished he had never heard the words be uttered, it did not matter. He did not want to hear them, wished they could disappear and take the rest of the bad with them.

 “I was in love with you, Baekhyun.”

 Baekhyun’s heart skipped a beat; but in that painful, stinging way. “Was?”

 “Yes, was. I _was_ in love with you for a long time, but in the end I realized nothing would ever happen,” Chanyeol answered, sounding so incredibly tired, utterly exhausted. “You found it laughable whenever anybody even suggested it, that we acted more like boyfriends than best friends, and in the end I decided I didn’t want to hurt anymore. I wanted to get over you, because my heart was so sore from bleeding so much over you, so I took whatever chance I could get.”

 “‘Whatever chance you could get’ being fucking whatever asshole you could find?” Baekhyun did not know why he suddenly was feeling so angry, but he was furious. So mad that tears of rage were starting to fill his eyes. Or were they there because of something else? “Oh, wait, no, sorry. You only have _yours_ fucked, right?”

 “You’re talking about assholes, yet here you are being the biggest one I’ve ever seen,” Chanyeol snapped, but Baekhyun could hear the underlying hurt, a hurt mirrored in Baekhyun’s own heart, chest, entire fucking body. “Fuck you, Baekhyun.”

 “In your dreams,” Baekhyun chuckled darkly, feeling so nasty and disgusting, so clearly seeing the way Chanyeol flinched, but unable to stop himself. He was fucking up so badly, but he _just could not stop himself._

 Scoffing, Chanyeol turned his face away, shoulders pulled up and trembling lightly. It was as if a bucket of cold water had been turned upside down over Baekhyun’s head, completely drenching him in icy liquid, freezing him in place.

 “Yeah, once upon a time I did dream about that,” Chanyeol said, voice barely above a hoarse whisper, but still cutting through Baekhyun. “Now I feel sick just thinking about it. It’s funny how people show you the real them after _years_ , and the truth is nowhere near what you thought it was…”

 With that, Chanyeol walked away, but not before Baekhyun managed to get a good look at the lone tear running down Chanyeol’s cheek.

 

 That was the end of their relationship. The end of the infamous Baekhyun and Chanyeol friendship, the end of them. After that day, Chanyeol refused to even be in the same room as Baekhyun, until he just stopped appearing altogether. Baekhyun later found out that Chanyeol had moved to his sister, in Seoul, to get away from everything - and that hurt. Because even though Baekhyun did not want to delude himself, he still knew that he was part of the reason for Chanyeol moving. And that also made him feel like an asshole.

 “I get why you feel bad about it, but in the end it was his own choice,” Kyungsoo told Baekhyun several times. “It might be for the better as well, I mean, he did sleep with one of our teachers…”

 Of course Baekhyun knew this, and the reasons were solid - sleeping with a teacher is a pretty fucking bad thing, but it still hurt, and it still made him feel horrible. And he _missed_ Chanyeol, so fucking much, but what could he do? He had really messed up, in the worst of ways, and now he was terrified of having to face the consequences. So Baekhyun never tried to. Baekhyun never tried to get back in contact with Chanyeol, never tried to apologize, never tried anything.

 A coward, was what he was. A weak coward that had broken his best friend’s heart. What a fucking legacy to live with. But Baekhyun did, he had to. He could not find the courage to contact and apologize to Chanyeol, so he had no other choice but to live with the consequences of his actions - no matter how much he hated them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (If anyone is wondering, the part where Baekhyun walks in on Chanyeol and Mr. Oh was the first part to be written - on Chanyeol's birthday, lmao)


End file.
